Different Names For The Same Thing
by Mac-alicious
Summary: They were all hovering, practically stalking, with more intensity and focus than even her mother's old ravens. And the birds had far more subtlety. / / or, Mal doesn't understand why everyone, literally everyone, is watching her like something bad is about to happen. / / Mal introspective. Oneshot.


**A/N:** This is my first Descendants fic. I have another one written (that was pretty fun to write) that hasn't been posted yet, but it should up sometimes soon. This is my first take on Mal as a character and how she and the others start to settle after the events of the movie (or don't settle, to some degree). It kind of tackles the philosophical idea that all emotions tie back to either love or fear, the kids on the Isle were raised on fear and the emotions that spring from it, and as such are not necessarily equipped when they are confront with anything from the other side of the spectrum. Anyway, let me know what you think about how I did with my first attempt at the characters. Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! ~Mac

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Descendants.

 **Different Names For The Same Thing**

When the celebrations were over and the reality of all that had occurred sunk in, Mal realized that love was just the start of things they had been missing out on during their childhood on the Isle. It didn't strike her right away, but in the aftermath of the events of the Coronation, there was plenty to help open her eyes to it, even if she didn't know it yet.

They all had their little song and dance, forging the bond between them, honoring Ben's ascension to the throne and relishing in the splendor of an Auradon party. It was all a good time, but it was a distraction from what had really happened. And when the party was over, reality settled in on Mal's shoulders. Though she carried it with her, she thought she hid it well. She was a master manipulator, and even if she now chose to use her powers for good, rather than evil, there was no reason why she shouldn't be able to use it to hide what she was feeling behind a smile. Denial was a crucial tactic employed by the villain's children. It was the key to surviving their upbringing and it served Mal well now.

Only problem was that denial only worked when no one cared enough to challenge it. To no one's surprise, this was the first time in her life that anyone had tried to get around the walls she had built up around her.

Mal had intended to return to school and life as normal—albeit with a royal boyfriend, at a prep school tailored for the descendants of heroes, and a very new world order for her and her friends. But no one would cooperate with that plan. They were all hovering, practically stalking, with more intensity and focus than even her mother's old ravens. And the birds had far more subtlety.

From the minute it was just the two of them in their dorm, Evie's eyes had been glued to Mal, attracted in a way that was usually reserved for her own reflection. Mal didn't notice at first that her friend's gaze followed her everywhere she went around the room as she got ready for bed. She was too caught up in her own thoughts about the days events, about her blossoming relationship with Ben, about the future. All her attention was internalized, so she spared barely a second to even acknowledge Evie's presence. Mal had changed and climbed into her bed before she realized Evie was still standing just inside the doorway, that she hadn't moved a muscle since they came in and that she was, without a doubt, staring.

"What?" Mal questioned.

Evie stuttered and tried to avert her eyes, but even when she was deliberately trying to look away, she couldn't. She still watched Mal from under her eyelashes and through a veil of her hair.

"What is it?" Mal demanded.

"Nothing," Evie said and finally broke eye contact.

Since it was only the first instance, Mal had no way to put it all together. She chalked it up as another of Evie's odd behaviors and dismissed it with a roll of her eyes. If she didn't immediately roll over and go to sleep, she would have noticed the continued short glances Evie sent her way even as she got ready for bed herself. Those would have raised suspicions.

It wasn't until the next day that Mal saw any real clues to what has happening around her. Evie had been less than subtle, but the boys were just as bad, if not worse. Evie had watched her with intent, but Jay and Carlos, they _gaped._ And, if the slack jawed unrelenting, twin, wide eyed stares weren't enough, they also stayed a step back, keeping their distance, as if they could benefit from the difference in perspective.

At first, she gave the two the benefit of the doubt about them giving her a wide berth, citing some variation of boys will be boys. When half the day had gone by and they still wouldn't venture closer than a five foot radius of her, there was no explaining that away. So, she set her features in a determined glare and tested them. Each of her approaching steps was met with two retreating steps. The boys moved in uncanny synchronization, legs and feet and arms and bodies shifting in perfect unison. They never took their eyes off of her though. Even as they fled her pursuit, they watched her with deliberate consistency.

"What is with you two, today?" Mal asked, once she stopped testing their reflexes by randomly sprinting toward them. She planted her feet, crossed her arms over her middle and raised an eyebrow as they settled a few feet away from her.

"Nothing," Jay shrugged. He at least maintained his usual casual, slouched demeanor and neutral expression to match his verbal response.

Carlos, on the other hand, had taken on the wide eyed, fearful stare that at one time only cropped up at the thought of the raggedy mutts he now carried around like an accessory. What he was scared of now, she couldn't tell. He smiled nervously, "What's with _you_ today?"

Mal's brows knit together as she frowned.

"Really, man?" Jay hissed and dug an elbow into Carlos's side. "Keep it together."

"I mean, of course, nothing is _with_ you today." Carlos corrected himself. "You're great, right? Good, even?"

"You're a strange little dude," Mal said. She shook her head. "But good or not, if you keep shadowing me like this, I might have to spell you back to the Isle, or something, just to get you out of my hair."

Jay flicked his fingers out to point at Mal. "We were just leaving. We have Tourney practice anyway."

"Good idea," Mal said.

The boys gave her one last sweeping glance before they turned and rushed away. She pretended to flip through her spell book, but she watched them go until they were no longer in sight. She clocked how many times they looked back during their departure, and the number was absurd. They only paid her minimal attention when she addressed them directly, they were easily distracted and all too happy to ignore her entirely. Why they would study her so closely, unprovoked, was a mystery.

But it wasn't just her friends. It was everyone.

In the time they had been in Auradon, Mal had gotten used to the way people looked at her and the other villains' kids. The Auradon Prep students were descended from all things light and good, so of course they were sly about the way they watched Mal and her friends. Side eye glances and silly 'I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at this propped upright textbook' techniques. They were all still watching in the same way, but now all the looks and ridiculous cover ups were concentrated solely on Mal. Evie, Jay and Carlos walked by and not a single head lifted. As soon as Mal entered the room, all eyes were on her. They followed her wherever she went until they were weighing her down more than the burdens she already carried on her shoulders. It didn't stop at the students either. The teachers and staff were just as blatant. The Fairy Godmother hovered over Mal's shoulder more successfully than if she was actually floating on wings. Everywhere she turned there was someone watching her every move and she didn't understand it. She tried to ignore it, to pretend that she didn't feel their eyes burning into her, and she was able to for the most part. Yet, it was no less frustrating. She was only just suppressing the urge to scream.

Ben was the last straw. He had joined Mal and her friends for an afternoon of school work, but instead of studying the texts, he was studying Mal. Most girls would have killed to be the subject of the new King's obsessive gaze, and Mal was not opposed to it herself. Except, the look in his eyes as he stared down at her was not the affectionate curiosity that had colored his expression since they had met. No, this time it was a different look altogether. It was one that pulled his brows together, creating creases in his forehead and the bridge of his perfect nose. It pressed his lips tight into a thin line. It was infuriating, not just because she couldn't decipher it, but because, as unflattering as the expression was, it still managed to look gorgeous on his handsome face. It didn't help that, while he was looking at her like that, she was also circled by her closest friends, who were watching her with similar pinched expressions. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to draw a line somewhere.

Mal slammed her hands down on the table, her eyes flaring as she barely reigned herself in, and screeched, "Will you stop looking at me like that? I'm not some zoo animal on display for you to gawk at. Can't you leave me be for a _second_?"

"Mal—" Ben started to respond, reaching out to her.

She jerked out of his reach, sliding her chair away from the table and jumping to her feet. Somehow, her reaction had only managed to intensify the problem. She retreated a few more steps across the room. She didn't understand what was happening to everyone, why they were acting so strange. But one thing seemed to occur to her. There couldn't be something wrong with _everyone_ , which meant that there must have been something wrong with _her_ that they were all too afraid to tell her. The influx of conflicting emotions that flooded her at that realization was too much to handle, at least in front of the people most important to her. So, Mal ran.

She had no real direction in mind, only that it take her far away from everyone, so it was coincidence or Fate that she ended up beside the Enchanted Lake, in the same stone run where she shared her first date with Ben. It was a nuisance of a trek on foot, but it's isolation was actually ideal in her current circumstances, so the journey had been worth it. She sat down beside the lake, slipped off her shoes and let her feet dip into the water. The tranquil atmosphere helped sort out her head, so that she could think about things with clarity. She still didn't understand what everyone's fascination with her was about, but she did know that she felt guilty over how she had reacted. It was a sickening feeling that clawed at her stomach, reminding her that lashing out was not how a hero handled his or her problems.

Mal kicked at the lake surface, sending up a spray of water. She muttered to herself, "So much for being good."

"Hey, even the best of people have tough days."

Mal whipped around at the sound of Ben's voice. He stood at the edge of the stone floor, his hands shoved into his pockets. He seemed to be waiting for her to give him permission to come closer. She wasn't going to humor him. She forced herself to turn back to look across the lake, keeping her back to him.

"I want to be alone," Mal said.

"I think you wanted me to find you," Ben said. "Look where you're at. I mean, did you _walk_ here?"

"Yes," Mal said. "It's amazing what you can accomplish when you want to put as much distance between yourself and the real world.

"You don't really want that," Ben said. "You're just—"

"Tell me, Ben," Mal pushed herself to her feet and turned to face him. "What am I, _exactly_? You and everyone else have been watching me, like you're all waiting for something bad to happen? Do you not... _trust me_ when I say I want to be good? Do you think I'm going to go bad again, is that it? I know I shouldn't have yelled at you, but I couldn't stand being treated like some kind of showpiece."

Ben cracked a small smile and started to say something, but Mal cut him off.

"You're laughing at me."

"No, I'm not, I promise, Mal, please," Ben put his hands up in surrender as she threatened to dart away again. "It's just that, that's not why everyone has been watching you. Your friends and I, and everyone really, are only worried about you—"

"Worried?" Mal frowned, searching his face for further clarification.

"Concerned?" Ben tried once again, only to make Mal look even more confused. "Perhaps that's the better word for it. We _are_ afraid that something bad is going to happen, but bad doesn't always mean _evil_. It can be upsetting, or heartbreaking. Do you understand?"

Mal rolled her eyes. "I understand the concept of homonyms and synonyms. But people have only ever worried about what kind of harm I could do to them."

"We're not worried that you might do something bad. We're concerned that something bad might happen to you," Ben said and when he recognized the look of disbelief on her face, he added, "Not in a physical or a magical sense, in an _emotional_ sense."

"I'm fine," Mal said. She tilted her head. " _Emotionally_."

"Are you?" Ben asked.

"Yes," Mal answered, but shrugged as she said it.

"Your perseverance is admirable," Ben said, "but, since the Coronation, since all that transpired there, you have not spoken to anyone about your mother or what it all means for you. We're concerned that when it finally hits you, really hits you, you'll be heartbroken. No one wants you to be alone if or when that happens so we've been trying to keep an eye on you. But apparently our attempts to act normal in the mean time have been unsuccessful."

"You think?" Mal raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry that you took it differently," Ben frowned and drew in a deep breath. "Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that your understanding of emotion is different than mine."

That was it exactly. There were versions of worry that stemmed from a place of darkness, of fear and anxiety, and there were versions of worry and concern that stemmed from a place of light, of love and compassion. Mal had been raised with access to only one side, and the disadvantage was that she was unable to distinguish between the two.

There was a whole hierarchy of emotions and feelings that Mal had previously not been privy to, that she missed out on entirely, because love was the head of it all. Love was the thing all positive emotions led back to, the reason the other things were felt. Mal had never truly experienced those things because if there was no love, then the rest was lacking as well. The size her mother had shrunk to was proof enough of that. She had been raised only on the darkness of emotions. So she had not been equipped to deal with those on the opposite spectrum, because they were so unfamiliar to her.

"I've never had anyone care enough about me to be concerned with my well being," Mal said.

"Now you have an entire kingdom that does," Ben said. "But more importantly, Evie, Jay, Carlos do. And I do."

"Thank you," Mal smiled. "I see now why you behaved the way you did, and you had the best good intentions."

"I sense a but coming."

" _But_ , the hyper vigilance is incredibly annoying," Mal started to laugh and, after a moment, Ben joined her. She took a deep breath, "I'm glad you care. I care the same for you, even if it's all new to me. But you should know, I haven't talked about my mother because I need to process what I'm feeling on my own first. I feel the hurt, the heartache, the sorrow. And I know sharing those feelings with you or my friends would ease them, but I don't want it to be easier. I need to feel them as they are, as hard as it is, because I _can_ feel them. I feel them because I loved my mother and she dismissed my love. So, you see, as long as I can feel pain and misery and heartache, it means I can feel love too."

Ben nodded and smiled. "I'll pass that along and get everyone to restrain themselves."

"Great, because I _just_ got out of Remedial Goodness and I would hate to have to go back because I was forced to curse the next person I caught staring at me," Mal replied.

"No, we cannot have that," Ben agreed. "Now can I give you a ride back?"

"My feet would love that," Mal joked.

Ben offered her his hand and she took it.

Concern, trust, dependability, joy, peace—they were all different names for the same thing. Their presence signified that a person loved and was loved. Mal was still learning, but this she understood. She had finally gotten a little light in her life and it made her want love and all the things that came with it. And it was starting to look like she had it, even if her mother hadn't. She was still learning, but this was just the beginning of her story. She had all the time in the world to find her way to it.

-fin-


End file.
